the clouds, thick, white, blinding, are closing in on my yard. i can see them stealing ever closer. and i, just leaving ava's room, recognize them in me too. ambushed by the peaceful stillness, the soft murmers of love and contentment, i let the tears, that have been threatening all day, fall. these are the days when everything seems just a little off, where i doubt my ability to nurture and mother ava into the amazing person i know she's meant to be, where everything callie does is too irritating for words, and where even the smell of heaven drifting through my open windows and the song of a meadowlark can only lift the curtain of clouds hanging over me for a minute. but those big, dark eyes looking at me with both trust and love, that smile of quiet contentment for me alone, the little arms curled around my neck whisper of forgiveness. every once in awhile the clouds hide the sun and the rain falls. not forever. and i smile back at the small person entrusted to me and feel much smaller than she, profoundly blessed, and unworthy.
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