soon and very soon

yikes, it's been awhile. the tree looks absolutely beautiful - the popcorn/cranberry chains are a definite must for subsequent years of tree decorating...i love it!

how come it's so much easier to write when i'm upset about something and not that easy when i am ridiculously happy about something? the best i can come up with is that i don't feel like words are good enough for awesome stuff - at least not the words i can come up with. and when i'm upset, words are usually sufficient to get it out of my head (or at least they help).

how come baby bean doesn't sleep when she's tired? i mean, sometimes, yes, but take, for instance, right now, she was TIRED and conditions all seemed good for sleep but she's swinging in her swing in the dark right now, talking to herself. at least she's not crying, i guess. but still, why fight it? the time will come when i'll have to fight to get her to wake up (i anticipate).

so, curt phoned his mom today to find out when her christmas is...wouldn't you know it, it's the SAME day as my mom's. i HATE that, in fact, stupidly enough, it seems like christmas is spoiled. and although i know i'm wrong, it seems like it. oh, i need to stop being a dummy...it's just that christmas is so dang short why do it all in 3 seconds? there is 31 days in december - USE THEM!! plus, ava can't handle a whole day of not sleeping - so one of the celebrations is going to be much SHORTER...on the plus side, bean doesn't need to have a few evening screwed up with not going to sleep - just this one...sigh.

on a happier note, i'm so excited about having christmas with curt and ava...i can't wait to make our own traditions...i want our christmas as a small family to be something that is looked forward to by each one of us...something that we all guard as something almost sacred...i want it to be storybook-like. it scares me a little - mostly when i'm anticipating something (at least this year) it turns out far less than i hope and throws me to the floor.