help! anybody.

how come i am finding it so hard to be me this year?  and not this year as in january first 2010 but this year as in since way back last april.  i know i've written a bit about how hard this year has been for me, and i know that it's true, but how come i'm unable to be all  "well, God, it's in your hands and i'm going to trust you and thank you for all my many blessings" ?  i AM blessed, i know it - i have a loving husband (despite issues we're having with our relationship - i KNOW that we love each other), i have the bestest baby in the whole world, i have a sweet puppy dog, a wonderful house, food to eat, clothes (though not many) to wear, a nice vehicle to drive...in short, i have everything that i need to live and be happy, but i'm not. 
i guess technically that would mean i'm depressed...clinically?  i don't know and i refuse to discuss this with any stupid doctor.  why?  well, it's kinda hard to justify really.  see, the thing is, i don't see any problem with people needing to take drugs for depression but i also would fight tooth and nail to NOT take them myself.  i want God to be enough for me because i know that He can be - i want Him to be my 'drug' and not drugs.  and i guess, i feel like if i WOULD be prescribed drugs that i would be failing, that i would be proving to the whole world that God wasn't enough for me.